California Dreamin'

I'm a little nervous about returning to SD next week. I feel like I am out of the loop and like I will be a visitor in a very familiar place. I don't really know what to expect and right now, contrary to the last post, I feel very disconnected from my girlfriends. I can imagine what they are doing because not that much can change in a month (right?) but when I try and reach them the timing never seems right. Is this karma because I was not good at keeping in touch with friends who moved away? Now it's my emails that are going unanswered? I can't help feeling forgotten, or replaced (impossible!). I feel so muddled right now, I am scared to go back to the warm, comforting place I just left, a place I called home for close to nine years and at the same time, my life and future here in NYC has yet to solidify. I am suspended in no-mans land, no real place of my own, no job, no favorite places etc. Although I feel like everyday that I'm here I become more attached to the city and more sure that I belong here right now. All I need is a shout out from SD to make me feel more at home in the world.